My All-Important Legacy


“Whoever is closest to me when I die, here are the instructions for my funeral. You might think this is presumptuous, but consider it a favor to you, because at the time of my death, you will be so distracted with grief that your ability to plan will be compromised, and I don’t want my funeral to be a thrown-together disaster.” – Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns) by Mindy Kaling

As the quote suggests, the following are instructions for what to do/not do after my tragic death. Well, let’s get started.

  1. Attendees: None of my ex’s are allowed to attend. Hashtag awkward?
  2. Music: I would like for the Kappa Kappa Psi Hymn to be played/sung by members, but only the arrangement made by the Beta Kappa Chapter. If members will be too emotional to sing, have it prerecorded. Alumni/members who are attending may sing along of course.
  3. Burial: As for my body, I wish for it to be donated to science, then cremated and put either into a firework or one of those “grow a tree” things, I haven’t really decided yet, so use your best judgement.
  4. Food: There must be food, but not un-fulfilling food. I’m talking about real food, comfort food. Heck, make it a potluck if you want. Have everyone bring some of my favorite dishes and savor the memory of me.
  5. Dedications: Kept them few, short, sweet, and to the point please. No one wants to drag it out, I know I certainly wouldn’t want to.
  6. Celebrate: Play some of my favorite music and music that reminds you of me. Have a party! Celebrate my life, do not dwell on my death.

You do this, and I will most certainly rest in peace (pun intended).

Stay golden. Muah.


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